By Trish Arab
Asafa and Alyshia are back fresh from Carnival and their ages are showing.
This episode starts with a recap of Carnival, all of the music, costumes and events spread out throughout the week and let me tell you, I could relate with the pain these two are feeling after multiple days of partying.
30-something hits different.
The real focus of the episode though is the double standard that exists between men and women. Alyshia, although not bothered by comments made, found a lot of people criticising the costume she was wearing. Looking around, she saw men behaving in "inappropriate" ways, or I guess at least in ways that if they were women they would be criticised.
The crazy part to me is that Asafa didn't even see that her experience actually proves there is a double standard in how people view men and women. A 29 year old man, who is a father of two can party and dance and enjoy himself, without it becoming a judgement on who he is as a person or as a father, but Alyshia as a 29 year old mother of two, found herself being judged because of how she was dressed and because she was enjoying herself.
Look, men and women are held to different standards, especially sexual double standards, which is kind of specifically what Alyshia was talking about. There are so many gender stereotypes out there, stereotypes that really impact attitudes and behaviors towards women specifically.
They also contribute to violence against women because let's be honest, we still live in a time where women are blamed for any violence against them - for what they wear, or how they dance, how they behave - all of the things Alyshia was talking about.
That's why it's crazy to me that this was even something that the couple was debating - actually the fact that Asafa doesn't even see the truth behind what his wife was saying, proves what sort of a double standard we exist in.
His perspective is that it doesn't happen, and probably to keep the peace, Alyshia said that was ok, but is it really? Women can't be the only ones who acknowledge this bias, we need men to be apart of the conversation and to be allies if things are ever going to change.
Let's not underestimate the role father's play in their kids lives. Men need to be role models in raising their children to be physically and emotionally secure, to be aware of the issues that women face every day, to be present in their children's lives and need to focus on gender in a realistic way if we ever hope to have gender equality.
I think it's super interesting that the episode wraps up with Alyshia apologizing for Asafa's comments on burnout in a previous episode - if you want to talk about double standards, how about the ones we put on any one who puts themselves out there onto a public platform like Asafa and Alyshia has done - any one who knows this couple knows that they are supportive of each other, that they have a very good relationship, and that they love each other unconditionally - so maybe we should give Asafa the benefit of the doubt / but boy is it easier to be critical to celebrities in a way we would never people to the everyday people in our lives.
But let's leave that topic for another day.